I don’t want to tell you what to do—I just want to equip you with information so you can make choices that genuinely work for you. Up to now, we’ve covered data and theories; next, we’ll explore a five-question process for making more thoughtful, fulfilling decisions. We’ll look at the importance of being aware of your feelings, clarifying your goals, assessing whether a particular choice is good for you, figuring out what matters most, and being willing to take action. Along the way, we’ll discuss cost-benefit analysis, risk assessment, the value proposition, and how to “reverse-engineer” the right decision. Let’s start building better decision-making skills together.
We devote a lot of energy as actors to making our characters’ onstage choices feel authentic. But those decisions end at “curtain down.” In real life, they come with real consequences—and everyone needs a reliable framework for handling them. I learned the following five-question method from a therapist almost 20 years ago, and I’ve relied on it ever since. It’s easy to remember, easy to apply, and works for both big, life-altering decisions and mundane everyday choices.
How do you feel?
Your emotional state can affect your decisions. If you’re depressed, you might say no to everything; if you’re excited, you might overlook potential red flags. Checking in with your feelings first gives a sense of where you stand.
What do you want?
This is the broader context behind your decision. Maybe you’re hungry (you want food), so you’re choosing between fast food or cooking at home.
Is it good for you?
Some options will be better than others. It can get complicated—fast food may be unhealthy, but it’s quick if you’re tired.
What matters most?
Built into this question is the idea that many things can matter simultaneously. You might be hungry now, you want to get home soon, and you also care about long-term health. Pausing to weigh these priorities might remind you of leftover food at home or how nice it would be to walk the dog this evening. This step carves out space for a more considered decision.
Are you willing to do the things that are good for you and matter most?
This is both rhetorical and a summary. After clarifying what’s best, are you really willing to follow through?
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| How do you feel? | Hungry, tired, anxious to get home. |
| What do you want? | To eat as soon as possible. |
| Is it good for you? | The food isn’t healthy, but it’s practical for your schedule. |
| What matters most? | Eating quickly so you can relax at home and get enough rest. |
| Willing to do what’s best? | Yes. You don’t eat fast food often, it solves tonight’s problem, and you’ll be ready to tackle tomorrow’s tasks. |
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| How do you feel? | Sad, exhausted, confused. |
| What do you want? | To feel better, distract yourself from your worries. |
| Is it good for you? | No. You’re not truly hungry; you’ll regret junk food tomorrow. |
| What matters most? | Working through the fight you had with your scene partner earlier. |
| Willing to do what’s best? | Yes. Instead of self-soothing with fast food, go home, walk the dog, think things over, and contact your partner. |
You’ve been offered a local restaurant job that pays great tips—useful for next year’s college expenses, but it means no summer theater.